Today ~ A Tear Fell

I wrote the below poem out of my own pain; obviously. I decided to include it on my site on a separate page because I think it's critical for hysterectomized and/or castrated women to know that they are not alone. 

I think perhaps the most devastating consequence of these surgeries is the loss of 'connection' we feel to all of those around us. The ugly truth is most of us suffer in silence..... Hopefully, there is coming a day when that won't be the case.

Today ~ A Tear Fell

I woke up in my same body today
and I just happened to look in the mirror.
For a moment, I saw myself as I had for years. However, that vision did not last for long.

Soon I remembered all of my female sexual organs are gone; the me I always knew was gone.
Just when I thought I was doing so well,
Before I knew it ~ a tear fell.

I pretend to be ok; to be ‘normal’ and ‘intact’.

Yet, the truth is there is nothing ‘intact’ about me.

I am no longer ‘normal’

My very core has been taken and I see through a once brilliantly lit glass darkly.

People all think I'm doing well;
They don't know today ~ a tear fell.

When I am reminded of what might have been,
when life catches me off guard,
That's when I seem to be hit so hard.
It seems all thoughts lead back to a simpler time.

A time when I took all I was and meant to be for granted.

A time when I trusted my doctor “to do no harm”

Those days are forever gone.

Will I ever be able to trust another living soul as I once did?

For now I cannot tell;
I only know today ~ a tear fell.